{"id":17824,"date":"2022-12-08T07:27:59","date_gmt":"2022-12-08T07:27:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ritusingal.com\/?p=5246"},"modified":"2026-02-17T07:07:20","modified_gmt":"2026-02-17T07:07:20","slug":"development-of-self-control-in-young-children-a-life-coachs-perspective","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/webdevelopmentpro.online\/ritusingal\/blog\/development-of-self-control-in-young-children-a-life-coachs-perspective\/","title":{"rendered":"Development of Self-Control in Young Children: A Life Coach\u2019s Perspective"},"content":{"rendered":"

Kids acquire several important emotional, social, academic and spiritual skills during early childhood that equip them for later success in life. Fruitful learning in early childhood covers the ability to focus one\u2019s attention, follow rules, appropriate response to authority figures and peaceful interaction with peers. All of them are foundational for their later achievement in language, literacy, and maths. But paramount to a thriving early childhood experience is the development of self-control, which is often inhibited by impulsivity, aggression, and hyperactivity. Children having these negative traits struggle emotionally, socially, and academically throughout life. One researcher goes to the extent of calling it a \u201ctreasured ability\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

The importance of developing self-control can be illustrated with a classic longitudinal study conducted at Stanford University in the 1960s. Some hungry four year-olds were given two options – one marshmallow right away or get two marshmallows fifteen minutes later. About one-thirds of them opted for one marshmallow. A follow-up study years later found the children who waited (for the second marshmallow) to be more successful people, positive, self-motivated, and persistent in pursuit of their goals. These habits are predictors of successful marriages, higher incomes and better health. Alongside, the study also showed that those kids who did not wait, had lower scores in achievement tests, were indecisive, less confident, and stubborn. Even a more recent longitudinal study confirms that kids with high levels of delay-of-gratification have more cognitive control than those with lower levels of delayed gratification.<\/span><\/p>\n

A child passes through so many developmental phases on its journey from infancy to adulthood. Each such stage in a child\u2019s life is marked by clearly defined, observable and distinct changes in terms of physical, psychological, emotional, inter-personal, social and moral arenas. Among these changes, developing the capability of self-control is a crucial step on the way to maturity and responsible adulthood.<\/span><\/p>\n

Self-control is variously defined as willpower, self-discipline or conscientiousness. Despite the differences in the way it is defined, self-control is all about one\u2019s ability to self-regulate behavior and actions -resisting distractions, inhibiting impulses, bouncing back from difficult emotions,\u00a0 delaying gratification and planning ahead.<\/span><\/p>\n

Obviously, we cannot expect an infant (0-18 months) to exercise self-control as it is yet to develop many capabilities necessary for achieving self-control. Toddlers, too, lack the self-control found among older kids. The ability to self-control develops slowly over the years, with some remarkable, big changes happening between the ages of 3 and 7. Just like with other facets of development, there is a lot of individual variation here, too. Some kids find it difficult to self-control and they face its consequences.<\/span><\/p>\n

A raft of relevant psychological studies confirm that young kids with poor self-regulation make less academic progress and are more likely to be anxious, depressed and aggressive. Besides, child counseling experts say that such poor self-control kids have a higher risk of obesity, drug addiction, committing crimes and being poor.<\/span><\/p>\n

Overview of Self-Control<\/b><\/p>\n

During the early years, kids acquire emotional, social, spiritual, and academic skills that equip them for later success. Paramount to a thriving early childhood experience is the development of self-control, expressed by the ability <\/span>to trust adults, internalize rules, delay gratification, control angry impulses, find internal ways to be more patient, empathize with others\u2019 feelings, take turns, and find ways to cheer up amidst sadness<\/span><\/i>. Self-control expects them to \u201cdelay, defer, and accept substitutions without being aggressive\/ disorganized and to cope with arousal, due to environmental challenges or fatigue. These constructs make the idea of self-control a multifaceted concept. Self-control is therefore interchangeably used with self-regulation, emotional regulation, delay-of-gratification, and self-discipline.<\/span><\/p>\n

Examine the following scenarios to understand the emergence of self-control among kids:<\/span><\/p>\n

Four-something Swarn went mad over Jaggu hogging the big building blocks. He stood disgruntled nearby. Only a week ago, his teacher had had a group discussion about hitting and hurting\u2026.. No one was to hit anyone else\u2026but Swarn was so frustrated that impulsively, he clenched his fist and raised his arm above his head. The class teacher looked straight at him with a reminding look. \u2018I wasn\u2019t going to hit him. I was only raising my arm, Ma\u2019m,\u2019 Swarn explained. The teacher smiled encouragingly and helped Swarn take up another activity.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dingy, a nursery student, was in a crowded shopping mall with her parents. The trip was getting very tiring for her. Father said, \u2018Dingy, we didn\u2019t realize we would have to buy so many extra things, and that our trip would be this long. We\u2019re sorry. Thanks for being so patient.\u2019 Dingy sighed, \u2018Well, I guess it was necessary\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n

Parents\u2019 role in kids\u2019 self-control<\/b><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Those involved with child counseling services soften report that a strong parent-child attachment increases a child\u2019s ability to control impulses and develop self-control. Young children need plentiful practice and patience from their parents as they work on achieving self-control. Authoritative parents, those who are firm yet nurturing and do not accept any defiant behavior, teach self-regulation with warmth and consistency and expect the kids to show control in a variety of situations. Such parents try to become role models of self-control for their kids and do not resort to punitive or controlling methods of parenting. Their discipline style is more effective because they explain to the kids the reasons behind what they do.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, young children need clear and consistent rules to learn self-regulation. To teach social skills<\/a><\/strong> effectively, parents and teachers would need to communicate their expectations clearly to the kids.<\/span><\/p>\n

Development of Self-Control<\/b><\/h2>\n

Experts dealing with parent counseling services believe that self-control develops with the kids beginning to differentiate between short-term and long-term outcomes. When they realize that a long-term outcome is greater, they delay gratification in their best interests. This capacity to choose a future reward is a function of the prefrontal lobes in the brain. This capacity requires a special memory, which stores information about the past and the future, while carrying out the responses needed to accomplish the goal.<\/span><\/p>\n

Can we really teach it?<\/b><\/h3>\n

From a life coach\u2019s perspective, this one is a very vital question in the child counseling arena. While tackling the billion dollar question of fostering self-control among young children, some people will tell you that we can\u2019t do so since it\u2019s \u201call in the genes.\u201d But science says otherwise, offering us some hope. Repeated studies confirm that our genes DO play a significant role in shaping the development of self-regulation but so do parents and teachers, too. Besides, many studies also confirm that it\u2019s really possible to teach self-control to kids. Kids certainly benefit when we remove temptations and distractions, and create such environments as reward self-control. Besides, kids also need to be given timely reminders to stay on track, practical advice for being motivated, overcoming roadblocks and sticking to a plan.<\/span><\/p>\n

Top 10 Tips To Develop self-control<\/b><\/h2>\n

Here are Top 10 Tips for developing self-control among kids, coming from experts in parent counseling services<\/a><\/strong>:<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n

    Out of sight, out of mind<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    It\u2019s rather commonsensical! We all have seen self-controlled, high-functioning adults trying to diet lose their will power at the sight of a tempting ice-cream. So the most important tool to facilitate self-control among kids is to change the environment by keeping such temptations hidden from their view!<\/span><\/p>\n

    Now, for young kids, it may imply putting away a toy that is likely to create conflict during a game or avoiding the ice-cream side of the supermarket, while\u00a0 shopping together. For older children, it might mean keeping electronics gadgets away from their study table. But we can go even further with older kids by teaching them to identify temptations on their own, and then take the necessary steps to eliminate them.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Remember, the kids who remain trouble-free and are better achievers aren\u2019t always blessed with a greater strength of character. Rather, they can better anticipate and avoid situations that can trigger impulsive behaviors.<\/span><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

      \n
    1. \n

      Consistent rewards for self-control<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Refer back to the \u201cmarshmallow test\u201d wherein pre-schoolers were given a choice between eating one treat now or two treats later. Remember, the kids who demonstrated a better capacity to wait ended up later with better outcomes \u2013 better school achievement and less likelihood of drug abuse.<\/span><\/p>\n

      Later research also showed that only a couple of disappointments were enough to erode the kids\u2019 willingness to delay gratification and exercise self-control. Our willingness to wait depends on how we weigh the risks and benefits of a particular action.<\/span><\/p>\n

      As any life coach<\/strong><\/a> would confirm, humans select immediate gratification if they distrust the person promising a future prize. And even two-year-old kids can resist the temptation of eating a cookie if the rewards of a wait are sufficiently high.<\/span><\/p>\n

        \n
      1. \n

        Timely reminders<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        If you don\u2019t remember the rules, it\u2019s difficult to stick to a programme. Young kids face more trouble keeping directions in mind as they can be easily distracted. So to tide over the problem, it\u2019s useful to remind young kids of our expectations.<\/span><\/p>\n

        In a recent experiment, three-year-old kids were asked to perform a simple task involving\u00a0 impulse control. They were to open a box to get a prize, but only after getting the correct signal from the experimenter. If they saw a blue square, they could go ahead while getting a red triangle meant leaving the box alone.<\/span><\/p>\n

        The researchers tested two different approaches in this experiment. When an adult reminded the kids of the rules before each trial, they were more likely to have self-control. In contrast, giving the kids a few seconds to stop and think, without any reminder, failed to have any such effect.<\/span><\/p>\n

        The lesson? Remind yourself to remind them.<\/span><\/p>\n

          \n
        1. \n

          Play self-control games<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          Whenever we ask kids to play by rules, we\u2019re, in effect, asking them to develop self-control. But some games can be more challenging than others. For example, in the traditional \u201cRed light, Green light\u201d game, when a child hears \u201cGreen light!\u201d, they are supposed to move forward and upon hearing \u201cRed light!\u201d, they are expected to freeze.<\/span><\/p>\n

          \"\"<\/p>\n

          In this classic shape, this game is all about following directions but it can become slightly trickier. Once the kids have adjusted themselves to the rules, simply reverse them i.e. make \u201cRed light!\u201d the signal to go and \u201cGreen light!\u201d the cue to stop. This one challenges a kid\u2019s ability to go against habit. The kid must control impulses i.e. show \u201cself-regulation.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

          Do such games help? Researchers say yes. The experiment involved a modified form of the\u00a0 \u201cRed Light, Green Light\u201d and other games designed to give kids practice in self-regulation. In the Freeze game, kids dance when the music plays and freeze whenever it stops. They dance fast for fast-tempo songs, slowly for slow-tempo songs. And then the cues are reversed i.e. Fast music = slow dancing. Slow music = fast dancing.<\/span><\/p>\n

          The kids played these games twice weekly and after two months, their self-regulation abilities were assessed. Though the kids with above-average self-control had no improvement, the story was different for those who had been struggling. Those with low self-regulation scores (below the 50th percentile) had got a better degree of self-control now.<\/span><\/p>\n

            \n
          1. \n

            Give kids a break<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            Kids benefit from breaks after following directions and working hard. Studies confirm that people don\u2019t maintain the same self-control over time. If they are given two demanding tasks one after the other, they tend to show lesser self-control during the second task.<\/span><\/p>\n

            One reason could be that our \u201cquota\u201d of self-control gets exhausted and we literally lack the energy to keep going. Another account says that our brains are designed to seek a balance between bearing drudgery and getting easy rewards. One, who sticks to the same old work routine, sans a break, is going to miss important environmental changes. Therefore, by taking time out to play and explore, we improve our chances of finding profitable new opportunities.<\/span><\/p>\n

            The upshot: If you ask your kid to go from one unpleasant duty to the next, they are going to have lower self-control. Give your kid a break to help them recharge, and that\u2019s a good way to learn, too. Many studies on kids\u2019 learning confirm the oft-believed idea that kids learn faster with shorter lessons separated by breaks.<\/span><\/p>\n

              \n
            1. \n

              \u201cMust do\u201d vs. \u201cWant to\u201d<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

              A certain kid, who doesn\u2019t cooperate in the class, may be the poster child for poor self-regulation but just give him his favorite toy or a video game to turn him into a picture of complete focus, persistence, and drive. The thing is – the kid doesn\u2019t lack self-control. Actually, he lacks motivation and needs to find enjoyment in the things he\u2019s asked to do. This is what we need to address.<\/span><\/p>\n

              The savvier among us adults know how to brace up for an upcoming assignment, how to become interested and how to mix work with a bit of pleasure. We also know that approaching a task as a nasty chore makes things even worse. But in contrast, kids face a hard time figuring it out, especially if adults themselves display the wrong attitude.<\/span><\/p>\n

              Making a chore a game takes time and energy. Finding the right things to get kids interested may need great patience, observation, and flexibility but as many successful teachers would vouch, it\u2019s an investment that has great pay offs. It may be the key to beating \u201cself-control fatigue\u201d as it\u2019s much easier to tackle a pile of homework if you\u2019ve learned to find at least some of it to be enjoyable.<\/span><\/p>\n

                \n
              1. \n

                Tackling challenges, learning from failure<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                Many people often think of intelligence and talent as \u201cgifts\u201d that we inherit and which can\u2019t be improved upon. Therefore, when these people fail in doing something, they feel helpless and give up easily. In contrast, those who believe that efforts can shape intelligence and talent, are more resilient in nature. Life coaches would confirm that such people, in general, are more likely to face challenges and learn from their mistakes.<\/span><\/p>\n

                We, too, can help kids develop this kind of resilience and determination by being careful about the feedback we give them. Several experiments show that praising a kid for their general traits (\u201cYou\u2019re so sharp!\u201d) makes them adopt a wrong mindset as does general criticism (\u201cI\u2019m unhappy with you\u201d). Instead, what works far better is praise for effort and feedback, which\u00a0 encourages kids to try out different strategies (\u201cCan you think of some other way of doing it?\u201d).<\/span><\/p>\n

                Remember, pinpointed, consistent and proportionate praise and criticism always deliver the desired outcomes with most kids.<\/span><\/p>\n

                  \n
                1. \n

                  Develop their attention and working memory<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                  \"\"<\/p>\n

                  Many distracted, impulsive kids have low working memory. Our working memory is the \u201cmental notepad\u201d which we use to keep information \u201cin mind.\u201d While solving a maths problem or trying to remember those directions to a bank, we use our working memory.<\/span><\/p>\n

                  Young children don\u2019t perform as well as adults on working memory tasks, which is perfectly okay. But some kids face more difficulty than others, and while there is no cure-all for working memory problems, seeking professional help can improve the kid\u2019s working memory capacity.<\/span><\/p>\n

                    \n
                  1. \n

                    Emotion coaching<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                    Adults often\u00a0 react differently to a kid\u2019s negative emotions. Some of these reactions are dismissive in nature (\u201cThere isn\u2019t any reason to be so sad.\u201d), while others are disapproving (\u201cStop that crying!\u201d). Such approaches aren\u2019t exactly helpful as they fail to teach them how to regulate themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

                    In contrast, kids benefit more if parents talk to them about their feelings, exhibit empathy and discuss with them some constructive ways to cope with their feelings i.e. \u201cemotion coaching,\u201d which generates better outcomes. Adolescents \u201cemotion coached\u201d by their mothers show reduced\u00a0 behavior problems over time.<\/span><\/p>\n

                      \n
                    1. \n

                      Practice planning<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                      Planning is a very important component of the process of developing self-discipline<\/a><\/strong>. People are likelier to succeed if they can think about the obstacles and think of specific steps about when, where, and how they are going to take action. Everyday experience and research indicates that practice in this regard can be helpful.<\/span><\/p>\n

                      In an experiment on kids, they didn\u2019t always plan ahead while tackling a problem. But when they were asked to change their approach, they had more success solving the puzzles given to them. There are some games that reward the players for planning ahead, which might teach lessons that kids can apply to other situations.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                      Kids acquire several important emotional, social, academic and spiritual skills during early childhood that equip them for later success in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":21247,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17824","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifecoachritusingal"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/webdevelopmentpro.online\/ritusingal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17824","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/webdevelopmentpro.online\/ritusingal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/webdevelopmentpro.online\/ritusingal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/webdevelopmentpro.online\/ritusingal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/webdevelopmentpro.online\/ritusingal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17824"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/webdevelopmentpro.online\/ritusingal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17824\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21255,"href":"https:\/\/webdevelopmentpro.online\/ritusingal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17824\/revisions\/21255"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/webdevelopmentpro.online\/ritusingal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/21247"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/webdevelopmentpro.online\/ritusingal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17824"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/webdevelopmentpro.online\/ritusingal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17824"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/webdevelopmentpro.online\/ritusingal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17824"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}